It's been a while since I posted anything of real substance here. It was over a year ago that I even visited and left behind any keystrokes. But in that year my life changed. The Love of My Life, Mary Radigan, departed this earth to be free from the restraints and frustration of cancer.
I knew this woman for over thirty years, professionally and socially. It was in early 1998 that we got together just for movie dates. By Christmas of that year our friendship became more serious. We found that in many ways we had a lot in common, and a few opposites. But that's what made us a perfect match.
As an example, in the early 70s P.O.W./M.I.A. Bracelets were being distributed and worn to remember the missing soldiers of Vietnam. When we started dating, I happened to notice one of those bracelets in a display case at Mary's house. A bell went off in my head and when I went home I dug out my bracelet. They were the same!
Later on, I noticed a carved lion sculpture in her house. 'DING' went a bell again. Yup, we both had similar items.
At this point we both became aware of how much we really had in common. Our friendship had grown into a serious relationship. Consequently on Labor Day of 2001 I proposed to Mary at Buckingham Fountain in Chicago's Grant Park. We planned to get married in 2002.
Eleven days later, the World Trade Center and the United States were attacked by terrorists. We both realized that we were no longer 'spring chickens' and why wait to get married. One month later we were Husband and Wife.
Our lives as a couple formally began on October 21, 2001. We had a wonderful time together, sharing our thoughts, political comments, humor (mostly on my part), and much traveling to mention just a few of many happy times.
Then it all changed. Mary had a strange growth on her body which was biopsied. On the morning of August 31, 2011 Mary received a phone call from the Dermatologist asking her to come into his office as soon as possible. We became worried about the call. As a result of the consultation, the world about us fell into a deep, dark pit of despair. She had been diagnosed with Angiosarcoma, an extremely rare form of cancer of the soft tissue (blood vessels). It was so rare that no known treatment was in place. It is not known where it comes from. U of M prescribed standard cancer treatment for the disease.
Our lives changed at that point as you might imagine. We became focused on 'slaying this dragon' and started rounds of chemo and radiation treatments as well as two years of endless medical appointments.
In October 2012, Mary had a 'popping' sensation in her left hand. Diagnosis of torn tendons was made and surgery followed in November. She had to wear a device on her hand which I called a crossbow, it was so similar. I was doing what I could to make the situation laughable in spite of all she was experiencing.
In 2013 things seemed to be looking up. Following several checkups at
the University of Michigan's Cancer Treatment Center, her reports
indicated she was 'stable,' not in remission, but the dragon was held in
abeyance. However, Mary had been having increasing pain in her back and we thought that perhaps the cancer had spread. You can imagine our relief when it was discovered that one of the vertebrae in her spine was the issue. Back surgery was recommended, which would be her third operation of this kind.
In July 2013 surgery was performed followed with appropriate in-patient rehab. On July 24th she came home feeling better than she had any time previously. The situation appeared to be improving. Despite having to use a walker to navigate and all the pain meds prescribed, Mary's attitude was in a much more positive mode. We started to make plans to travel again and to resume our lives together after a medical hiatus.
However, this was not to be. After an appointment at the VA Clinic, Wednesday September 4th, I came home to find her on the floor in the bedroom. She was unable to move. When the paramedics arrived they said that she had a stroke and rushed her to the hospital. The medical staff told me that she was rapidly deteriorating and to call the family.
Two days later, Friday, September 6th at 1:45 p.m. Mary passed from this pain-filled life into a state free from all the physical shackles of this earth.
My loving partnership was over. I was devastated more than I had ever experienced before. I had lost my anchor, my stability in life, a relationship which could never be replaced. She was a woman and loving companion with whom I had such a partnership, more intense than anytime else in my lifetime.
And now, six months later, here I am, still missing her more than words can ever describe. I move forward, albeit sorrowful, but yet in remembrance of all the fantastic time we were together. There remains an emptiness which can never be filled, but I continue down the road of life with Mary with me in my heart and my soul.
I fill my life now with activities to help me continue a positive journey in this life, knowing full well that we will be together in another life.
I am grateful that I have the excellent support of my Daughter, Sarah, and my two Stepsons, Kerry and Brian, my best friend, John Sicard; as well as a superior group of friends who stand by me encouraging my growth. Thank you all for this support and stability you've been supplying to me.
As I end this tribute to a warm, loving, intellectual and fun-filled life with Mary, my very best friend, life partner, soul-mate and loving companion; I move forward in very small increments attempting to put my life back together as best I can without the woman I love so dearly.
I intend to continue this blog describing my journey down this path, with all it's trials and tribulations, but mostly documenting life as it happens.
Thank you for reading my soul.
Mike Hale
