The Michigan Department of Transportation (MDOT), on behalf of all the county road commissions in both the Upper and Lower Peninsulas, has filed a lawsuit against Punxsutawney Phil, "The Seer of Seers, Prognosticator of all Prognosticators." Phil, the 'official' Groundhog, is the defendant in the lawsuit because he has been determined to be responsible for deteriorating road sufaces, the rapid proliferation of potholes, and the bankruptcy of road commission winter budgets.
"Because of the long, tough, and hard winter that Michiganders have been forced to endure, someone or something had to become the scapegoat for our wrath," according to Jack Phrost, Chloride Purveyor of the state. "Phil was the obvious choice, due to his prediction that winter was to end during the 'Ides of March.' As we know, this was a complete falsehood."
Prompted by cries of "The sky is falling" by TV Weathergirls, panicked residents around the state increased their driving, as they raced to hardware and grocery stores to stock up on more provisions to survive the never-ending winter. Despite all the purchases, there wasn't any noticeable spike in the economy.
MDOT also wanted to include 'Mother Nature' in the suit, but all the Sheriff's Deputies, Bailiffs and Court Servers were unable to locate her to serve a supeona. She was suspected of finding Dick Cheney's 'undisclosed location' and hiding out there.
Winter sports enthusiasts have sided with the furry rodent shouting "Let It Snow" and singing "Jingle Bells." Retailers are hoping this might mean the possibility of extending the Christmas shopping season. Lowe's, Home Depot and Meijer are quivering with anticipation that they will be able to sell more snow shovels, and boxes of (Unassembled) Snowmen and Snowball Fight Kits.
For futher details, contact the April Fool's Commission at 800-YOU-FOOL.
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