Christmas Wreath-Laying Ritual Underscores Sacrifice

Wreaths Across America recognizes the country’s deceased veterans with a special form of remembrance amidst the Christmas season.

(This article is from the December issue of VFW Magazine.)

To read the entire article, go to this website:

http://www.vfw.org/index.cfm?fa=news.magDtl&dtl=2&mid=4384

Goodbye - Photo Film Processing!

Apparently the Meijer stores think everybody now uses digital cameras. Don't try to take a disposable camera or any film to Meijer, as "We have a dry lab now," according to the store director at our local Meijer. This is despite the fact that they continue to sell film and disposable cameras. They will gladly 'send it out' for processing, but 1-Hour or Next Day Photo only applies to the digital format.

Hmmmm, how many people do you know that still use FILM?

What's wrong with THIS picture?

By the way, Walgreens (next to the Meijer store) DOES process disposable cameras and film. Guess where we are taking our film business?

Pet Peeves

This topic may go on and on, but I feel a need to mention a few that are at the top of my list (and at the top of my mind) right now. Some or all may not even apply to any of you, but I have to unburden myself.

- Turn signals. The are standard with every car - not optional accessories. USE THEM!

- Customer Service. Having been employed in various aspects of working for the public, I cannot tolerate poor customer service.

- Headlights on high beam. Have the courtesy of dimming your lights for oncoming traffic.

- Price tags pasted over important information. I'd like to read the print on products I'm about to buy, without peeling the price tags off the valuable data obscured by those pesky permanent labels.

- Messages left in voicemail. Please identify yourself and your phone number (date and time you called is also helpful). Some information why you're calling can also be of value. "Hi, it's me, call me" will result in an automatic deletion if I don't recognize the voice. I'm too cheap to pay the phone company more money for Caller ID.

- Safe Driving. Just because there happens to be 3 to 4 feet between the car in front of me, doesn't grant you permission to squeeze your auto between us.

- Traffic Signals. If the light turns yellow ( - CAUTION- ) does NOT mean to "GO FASTER." It is a clue that red ( -STOP- ) will soon follow! I have learned that when the light turns green, NOT to depress the accelerator, but to wait several seconds to ensure that someone hasn't decided to 'beat the signal.'

- Answering Phones. (Two subjects on this topic). Identify yourself ("This is Mike"), don't say "Yeah?" so I have an idea whom I'm may be speaking with. And if you are a sales clerk and the phone rings while you are assisting a customer, DO NOT STOP AND ANSWER THE PHONE. I was in line (first), and someone else can get the phone. I made the effort to get in my car and travel to your store and give you money. If you want to keep my money, process my transaction before moving on to someone else!

Enough of these - check back for more at another time. Feel free to respond with some of you own . . . . Please!

Computer Programmers Christmas Poem

A Programmer's version of a holiday favorite rythme:

Twas the night before implementation and all through the house,

not a programmer bit stepping, not even by mouse.

The programmers hung by their tubes in despair,

with hopes that a miracle soon would be there.

The users were nestled all snug in their beds,

while visions of inquiries danced in their heads.

When out in the lunch room there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.

And what to wondering eyes should appear,

but a super programmer with eight shiny root beer.

His resume glowed with experience so rare,

he turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

and he pursed and muttered and called functions by name.

On Update ! On Add ! On Inquiry ! On Delete !

On Batch Jobs! On Closings! On Functions! Complete!

His eyes were glazed over, fingers nimble and lean,

from weekends and nights in front of a screen.

A wink of his eye and a twitch of his head,

soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,

turning specs into code; then he turned with a jerk.

And laying his finger upon the "ENTER" key,

the system came up and worked perfectly.

The update updated; the deletes, they deleted,

the inquiries inquired, the closings completed.

He tested each whistle, and tested each bell,

with nary a glitch, all his tests went swell.

All last minute changes complete, finished, he concluded.

the users' obscure contingencies were even included.

Still t'was heard at first reviewing, users in snarl and taunt,

"It's just what I asked for, but not what I want!"

- Anonymous

"Christmas Dowmsizing"

The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.

Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. The internet, home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.

The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received unfavorable press.

I am pleased to inform you and yours that Rudolph's role will not be disturbed. Tradition still counts for something at the North Pole. Management denies, in the strongest possible language, the earlier leak that Rudolph's nose got that way not from the cold, but from substance abuse. Calling Rudolph "a lush who was into the sauce and never did pull his share of the load" was an unfortunate comment, made by one of Santa's helpers and taken out of context at a time of year when he is known to be under executive stress.

As a further restructuring, today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

· The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

· The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.

· The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.

· The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

· The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

· The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day\ is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

· The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. The function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

· As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.

· Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

· Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.

· Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cutback on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing") action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

Christmas at the "Home"

'Twas the night before Christmas at Rock-Away Rest,
and all of us seniors were looking our best.
Our glasses, how sparkly, our wrinkles, how merry;
Our punchbowl held prune juice plus three drops of sherry.

A bed sock was taped to each walker, in hope
That Santa would bring us soft candy and soap.
We surely were lucky to be there with friends,
Secure in this residence and in our Depends.

Our grandkids had sent us some Christmasy crafts,
Like angels in snowsuits and penguins on rafts.
The dental assistant had borrowed our teeth,
And from them she'd crafted a holiday wreath.

The bed pans, so shiny, all stood in a row,
Reflecting our candle's magnificent glow.
Our supper so festive -- the joy wouldn't stop --
Was creamy warm oatmeal with sprinkles on top.

Our salad was Jell-O, so jiggly and great,
Then puree of fruitcake was spooned on each plate.
The social director then had us play games,
Like "Where Are You Living?" and "What Are Your Names?"

Old Grandfather Looper was feeling his oats,
Proclaiming that reindeer were nothing but goats.
Our resident wand'rer was tied to her chair,
In hopes that at bedtime she still would be there.

Security lights on the new fallen snow
Made outdoors seem noon to the old folks below.
Then out on the porch there arose quite a clatter
(But we are so deaf that it just didn't matter).

A strange little fellow flew in through the door,
Then tripped on the sill and fell flat on the floor.
'Twas just our director, all togged out in red.
He jiggled and chuckled and patted each head.

We knew from the way that he strutted and jived
Our social- security checks had just arrived.
We sang -- how we sang -- in our monotone croak,
Till the clock tinkled out its soft eight-p.m. stroke.

And soon we were snuggling deep in our beds.
While nurses distributed nocturnal meds.
And so ends our Christmas at Rock-Away Rest.
'fore long you'll be with us , We wish you the best.

(Author Unknown)

A Christmas Poem

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck.
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves,
And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer,
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced by four pigs, and you know that looked stupid!!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he's ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur.
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was on ecological.

No baseball, no football someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing full acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere, even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth

"MAY YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES ENJOY PEACE ON EARTH."

(Author Unknown)

Christmas Rum Cake (recipe)

1 or 2 quarts rum
Baking powder
1 cup butter 1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon sugar
Lemon juice
2 large eggs
Brown sugar
1 cup dried fruit
Nuts

Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now
go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the rum
again. It must be just right. To be sure rum is of the highest quality,
pour one level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.
Repeat. With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the rum
is of the finest quality-- try another cup. Open second quart, if
necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. If
druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample
the rum again, checking for tonscisticity. Next sift 3 cups of pepper or
salt (it really doesn't matter which). Sample the rum again. Sift 1/2 pint
lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add one babblespoon
of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find. Wix mell. Grease oven and
turn cake pan to 350 gredees. Now pour whole mess into the coven
and ake. Check the rum again.

Retired Spouse

My wife, just recently retired after nearly 30 years in her profession. It's going to take a lot of adjustment for us to realize that we will be around the house all day - together.

I'm used to it, but she still has to adjust to the idea that there are no more deadlines to respond to.

This is going to be nice, as we can now just jump into the car on a whim and take a jaunt to wherever. Now we can use our membership to AARP to the fullest!

Hollywood Writers Strike

Apparently there is no resolution in sight for the creative aspect of TV programs, let alone for the 'big screen.' This should give us all a chance to spend more time reading, listening to music, attending local cultural events and, most importantly, spending more quality time with family.

Gee, if this continues for a lengthy period of time, maybe we'll discover again fending for ourselves in the entertainment category.

Not that I'm against what the writers are asking for, but this hiatus might be good for us all.

"Mighty Mac" 50 Years of linking peninsulas

I have had a love affair with the Straits of Mackinac since 1958, the year after the Mackinac Bridge opened bringing together the residents of the Upper Peninsula ("Yoopers") with the residents of the lower peninsula ("Trolls" - because we live beneath the bridge).

As one drives north on Interstate 75 and catches a glimpse of the bridge towers in the distance, you cannot help but feel entranced by the sight. I never get tired of seeing them. It's well worth the $2.50 one-way fare.

I dream of the opportunity to get to the top of one of the bridge towers to take in the view. We are so fortunate to live in this beautiful state. (For you out-of-staters, consider visiting our wonderland).

Here are some sites to check out regarding "Mighty Mac." (Copy and paste the links to your web browser)

http://www.mackinacbridge.org/

http://www.mightymac.org/

http://www.michigan.gov/mdot/0,1607,7-151-9618_11016---,00.html

http://www.fishweb.com/maps/cheboygan/mackinawcity/bridge/index.html

http://forums.detnews.com/history/story/index.cfm?category=locations&id=156

http://bridgepros.com/projects/Mackinac/Mackinac.htm

http://www.michigan.gov/hal/0,1607,7-160-17451_18670_18793-53649--,00.html

http://www.mackinac.com/content/general/mackinac_bridge.html

http://hunts-upguide.com/st__ignace_mackinac_bridge.html

http://absolutemichigan.com/dig/michigan/michigans-mackinac-bridge/

Shopping during the Christmas season

Until I began to shop on-line, I was a last minute Christmas shopper.

Today I became entangled in ordinary shopping during the Christmas season, which just reinforced my determination to continue to shop on-line. And it was "Senior Citizens Day" as well. YIKES!

Even though we hear that retailers are going to be hurting this year due to the economy, you wouldn't know it by the 'sea of shoppers' rip tide I was caught up in. It's a good thing that I continue to aspire to the virtue of patience - I needed it today. And I'm certain that the 'sea of shoppers' will soon swell to a 'tsunami of spenders.'

All I was trying to accomplish was my ordinary purchases, but I got caught up in the seasonal shopping surf of would-be Santas. I felt like a shrimp in a lobster trap.

Maybe I should out-source my shopping during December. Any takers?

National Public Radio (NPR)

Ever since my favorite morning radio team (Dave & Geri) went off the air, I searched for a substitute radio station to listen to. I stumbled onto NPR and have been addicted ever since. It is such a valuable and knowledgeable source of information, I rarely listen to a music station anymore. I glean many nuggets of information from their broadcasts. It has also turned me on to many books to read and music to listen to.

If you haven't checked out what's available, I strongly urge you to do so.

for more information, go to:

www.npr.org