Sunday, March 9, 2014

Grieving . . .

"Experts' tell us there are seven steps in grieving, and some say they must follow a logical progression before you are no longer grieving.

BULL!

In my case, it comes and it goes. Some moments I'm fine and at others, I'm not. The steps are not in any particular order, there is no map of this path. I never know when I'll encounter one of these emotions. One thing I've learned in my counseling sessions is that being emotional is a natural state for humans. It can cleanse you. Well I can tell you that I've been having a great deal of cleansing.

Some may look at me and think that there is nothing wrong with me, that I've 'moved on' or 'gotten beyond it.' Nope, the emotions are there, just lurking in the background, lying in wait to ambush me when I'm not expecting it. And there I am in that moment. Outward appearances can be deceiving.

I'm accepting that I will have these emotions over the loss of My Beloved Mary, My Soul-mate and my Best Friend. Even at this moment, it's trying to sneak in. I can't control it, I can only attempt to manage it. It would be nice if I could push a button and have that moment compartmentalized for handling at a more convenient time. No such luck.

I decided that I'm going to grieve in the manner which works for me, and not care one Dang iota about what people think. They are not walking my path. And if they think that I may be acting inappropriately or or not in a grieving manner (like I might be having too much fun); I don't really give a rip. Follow me down my path, you'll see.

So, I am moving in a forward direction, trying to heal (which I know might never happen) and continue to live.

I know that is what Mary would want.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦





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A retired former public relations practitioner, radio broadcaster, professional photographer, electronics geek and a Vietnam Vet.