Sorting and Sharing

I've said that I live in a 'museum of memories' following the passing of Mary, and it is true. Our lives became so intertwined, that each of our individual possessions became 'ours.' Now that I am alone, there is much left behind, and it is time for me to determine what is the next step.

I am in no way disposing of everything in a moment of rash behavior. It all signifies Mary to me. Realistically, that would be selfish and perhaps even foolish just to toss it all away. Mary and I had some discussion in the last couple of years of what should be done when either of us passes. I followed up on most of her requests: clothes to In The Image and The Women's Resource Center, other items to other charities to be disbursed to those in need.

What is left are all the sentimental items, too many to mention here. Several of which are important to me, but others important to her family. Mary was part of my life for 15 years, but she was a part of her families life for all of her life. Therefore it was not difficult at all to share her personal items with them. It was important for me to do so, and I wanted to. That was comforting to me. So I did. This past weekend, her Sons, Kerry and Brian came over and help me sort though much of what was here in the house. There were no problems with this task, just trying to find some items and figure out how to get the other items to them. And, of course, there was the wholesale disposal of non-essential articles which would be of no use to anyone at all. Others are still hidden, to surface at another time.

Sorting was and will continue to be hard for me. I am keeping those pieces which are too personal and sentimental to me, to cherish, from our loving relationship. Others I will continue to give to her family.

What is the most difficult to bear is the obvious empty spots in the house where items used to be, but now have a home with her family, as it should be. It's just very obvious that something used to be here and there, which is a very visible reminder that Mary is gone in many ways, and a chasm exists where her presence used to be.

The physical spaces will be filled with replacement items, but the empty part of my life can never be filled again.

Material items can be replaced, memories cannot and it is the memories which I cherish the most.

 ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦