I Ponder . . . .

I Ponder . . . .

It is said that if a person keeps their mind active one can ward off senility or dementia. In my case, my brain is constantly processing and analyzing, sometimes way too much, and I focus too hard on something and miss something else (ask my lovely wife about this). Supposedly I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). When I checked out the symptoms, I knew I that I did. However, through the miracle of modern chemistry – I am ‘happily medicated.’ I just wish that I had been diagnosed decades ago – my life might be different – but that’s another story for another time.

What I am leading up to is the fact that at times I tend to ‘think’ about what I hear or see and begin to ask myself simple questions.

As an example:

Why are there Interstate highways in Hawaii? (They are islands, there are no roads to other states!)

Why do they sterilize needle for lethal injections? (Could the recipient get sick after death?)

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Why is the alphabet in that order?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why could Superman stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go

Wouldn’t the best way to save face would be to keep the lower part shut?



Other times a comparison might be in order: (these are not necessarily my original thoughts – I’m just sharing them with you)

Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapenos. You never know what's going to burn your ass.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't need them again.

I don't have an attitude problem; you have a perception problem.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where in the hell is the ceiling?

My reality check bounced.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.

I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier!!!

You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Everyone is someone else's weirdo. (This is ME!)

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Be careful . . .a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass.

Don't be irreplaceable --- if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.

The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. (This is TRUE!)

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
So this isn't Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!

Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. (Oh – so true!)

I'd love to live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump. (Not me)

What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it! (Hmmmmm)

How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap! (Careful now)