I am a proud card-carrying member of AARP, and have been for nearly 12 years. I am retired and now eligible to apply for Social Security. I guess that also means that I can start frequenting restaurants for my evening meal beginning at 4:00 p.m.
Despite this attainment, I want to know when I am permitted to act or function like some of the ‘Golden Agers” I encounter in my daily activities. Here are some of the incidents I have survived recently:
I barely avoided being run over by an elderly woman in a grocery store parking lot as I was returning the shopping cart to the designated collection area. I was in the middle of the traffic lane, plain as day - obviously pushing a large shopping cart. I couldn’t have been more noticeable unless I was clad in a hunters orange jumpsuit. Yet I had to swerve out of HER way to avoid ending up in intensive care – and her foot was “pedal to the metal” as she jetted by me on her way to the street in her decades-old Chevette.
At the same store I was next in line at the customer service desk, when out of nowhere an elderly ‘gentleman’ shuffled past me (as if I was transparent) up to the clerk and transacted his business. The clerk looked at me (obviously I wasn’t transparent) and dumbfoundedly assisted the old codger.
[There is no doubt a grocery store theme here]
Whatever you do, do not shop for your provisions before noon during the week unless you enjoy dealing with a mob of old folks who resemble lemmings rushing to the cliffs of Dover, as they ooze their way through the product aisles, clutching vittles in their carts, determined not to be the last one in the checkout lane. For this reason, I think there should be large rubber bumpers and airbags on shopping carts, as you do not want to slow their progress (any more than what it is already). If you do, you could end up being a statistic as a recipient of a cold, steely glare asking “Why are you in MY way, kid?” (Isn’t Emily Post a senior citizen by now?)
I guess I should consider myself in ‘senior citizen boot camp’ as I should be taking notes as I train to be an old coot in good standing. “Just give me my damn discount and get out of my way” I shout (the geezer battle cry) which sends a cold chill down the spine of shopping clerks everywhere.
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About Me
- Mike -GR
- A retired former public relations practitioner, radio broadcaster, professional photographer, electronics geek and a Vietnam Vet.
1 comment:
Where do I start? You've riled me up on this one and gotten my dander up. You've stepped on my toes, and my feet already hurt. Judging from your picture you're younger than Uncle Crotchety. With that in mind let me address a few of your points.
Of course I speed through parking lots in my 1960 Pontiac Bonneville gunboat. It's called outrunning the undertaker.
So what's wrong with dining at 4PM? You'll find the missus and me many a day at Russ' at 4 since there aren't any decent cafeterias here like in Florida. For that matter there aren't decent plastic flamingos or creamed spinach here like you'll find in Florida. But that's another matter for another time. Anyway, dining at 4 gives us plenty of time to get home and take a nap before retiring.
Yeah, that was me who bowled right by you at the service counter. Sorry. Thruth is I probably never noticed you. By the way, I think OSHA Safety Orange would look good on you. Could be I was just in a hurry to get to bingo or shuffleboard.
Well that's my two cents worth. Keep chanting the geezer battle cry. You're becoming one of "us".
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